Amazing Grace

The Angel reading has been going well and I'm mostly just skipping over the words Dear God on the prayers included in the book and just reading them for their intent. This seems to be alleviating the whole God Block for me. Honestly when I pray outright in my more frightened moments it has been to Lady for some time. The concept of lord and Lady always appealed to me because of the balance of genders. For some time also I have considered faeries and angels to be very similar (if not overlapping) entities so now, it is not so difficult to be directly addressing Angels.

A couple days back I reached a bit of a breaking point in an area where I have not forgiven myself for occurrences in the past. I really had to first admit that I did feel at fault because I had been addressing the situation as something where 'I made the best decision I could at the time' and yet there has been so much shame surrounding the situation that I did not find myself able to grieve. Indeed I didn't really realise that until now. So, one evening while cooking dinner found me on my knees in the kitchen crying with emotional pain wracking my entire form. All I could do was ask for help. And I have found myself healing steadily since then.

I have been steadily asking for help at every little bump of negativity since starting the book as it is what the author suggests and if it is Angels or merely positive thinking I am noticing a shift in the energies of the family and myself. I am better able to diffuse my husband's temper moments by not responding to his anger with my own anger (that's a hard one as I immediately feel defiant when his temper rises), am managing to think rationally (for the most part) about my eldest's teen-angst moments and last (but far from least) I am maintaining a far more calm attitude in regards to my youngest children.

I have specifically been asking for their help working with the littlest ones because they are very full of energy and dynamics that are far beyond my expectations. My eldest was far more mellow while growing up. Those who know him may be saying 'no! he was so energetic and bouncy!' and he was, but really in comparison to these two he was definitely less frenetic. Though it could be because they are both so close in age I also wonder about the terminology used by some folk to refer to children of their temperment.

Crystal Children seems to come up often... Certainly I am wary of labels like this though I have in the past considered my eldest to be very much fitting the archetype of the Indigo Child. I do think though that these are mostly just names that we have created to help us better understand the personae which are coming about in this time. Children today are different than children ten, twenty years ago... perhaps this is simply a product of environment?

Still... I had an amazing experience today.

After I made whole wheat pancakes with strawberries and whipped cream for the family for lunch, Yum! I went to lay down with my littlest son who had fallen asleep on my lap. My middle son came up about an hour and a half later and when he came into the room I opened my eyes and at first did not quite recognise what i was seeing. I blinked to clear my vision but the effect remained! His eyes (hazel usually, brown /gold/green) were glowing blue! And really not just the iris but the entire eye, white and all. The effect remained until he turned away and came arounf to my side of the bed. at that point when I saw them again they were back to normal but I have been thinking about it all day!

I wonder if these glowing eyes were a sign of something? Perhaps it's because of where I was when I was sleeping and my vision had not fully returned to this plane when I first woke and saw him. Or if it was something to do with him.

I found this fascinating story...

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article2263881.ece

Reading back over what I've written here, it all sounds very spectacular but it's actually mostly mundane. A lot of my healing is realising things that I had not known I had been holding against myself, being calm and regaining that faith i once had which I think, has been having a hard time of it. I find myself thinking of the fact that I do not have any sacred space, have not really had even any personal space, for quite some time. I will be making an alter once we have moved to our new home. This feels wonderful.

I also received an email last night with links to some local mom toddler groups and one which is a hsort walk away so I am going to get up my gumption and actually go to one! In my poorer moments this idea has scared me a great deal but I am determined to do so.

All in all, I am feeling a lot better these days.

Sure, the sunlight helps... but I think the Angels do too. ;)

Mellifluous Mourning

"I am no longer on my way from one place to another. I have changed lives."

-- Ted Simon, Jupiter’s Travels

I think perhaps I should read this book, being a child of Jupiter as I am.

Regardless, this quote feels very right to me just now, very applicable, as I really have changed lives. Looking back it feels as though the last three and a half to four years have really been very transitional. Of course we're always changing, but sometimes change comes to me in these massive swells. And there's always a hint, a whisper, a sensation that says 'Woah! Time to grab your surf board and ride, a BIG WAVE is coming...' and yet it's often so hard to see while you're in the wave...

But in the wake, all is quite clear.

Featherfall

I bought a book on Healing with Angels today.

I have to admit it was a difficult thing for me to do and reading the book is also proving somewhat discomforting. This is mostly due to the author's continued reference to God the identity of Deity and the use of the male pronoun in reference to such. Personally I am far more comfortable with 'God' as 'The Divine Accumulation of all that is Living/Loving' which is a very non-person-like concept and most decidedly genderless. I am intent on reading the book through however.

Several signs, some while awake, several while dreaming and one on a journey, have brought Angels to my attention and most recently, a sign which drew not only myself, but my mother when I spoke with her about it, to the author of this book's works on Angels.

Certainly I have a great deal of my own healing to do still, I always will I expect, from some of the things that I carry. Perhaps this Angel work will allow me to release it entirely but the darkest one I doubt I can let go of entirely. We shall see... that's what this is supposed to help with if I allow it! We'll see if I can get past the male God words.

I find myself wishing I had my mother and my soul-sister Delilah here to have tea with and speak with. Heck, any of my good friends and family who have a spiritual leaning would do. But they are all across the ocean and I am here in this gorgeous green land with no one who has an interest in the divine to share with. I do feel quite alone at times.

I think I need a good solid listen of Pink Floyd's 'Wish You Were Here'. Though a bit depressing it's beautiful regardless... best follow it with something rather more up beat, perhaps Fleetwood Mac's 'Don't Stop (Thinkin' About Tomorrow)'. <3