Seeing the Stars Inside

My crown chakra has been tender as all get-go for the past month or more. I've woken up to a lot in the past year but recently things have started to gear up. Pile up. Power in. It -is- overwheming at times but the test is of course to deal with that and still let ourselves expand. The growing process, just like the birthing process, is often painful and requires us to breathe deep and release. Butterflies don't come about without a huge amount of change and effort.

Point being, recently, I've been a little overly tender to the world around me. So much integration and processing on top of extra sensitivity. A lot of clearing and healing. I've been left raw and more open than I have been... possibly ever.

People still astonish me. Smiles from them fill me to bursting more often than not.

I shared this recently... take a moment and watch.


A friend of mine commented on how easy it is to forget this simple fact. That it's difficult to maintain an awareness of it. I responded that I find it very easy to maintain an awareness of it. He says I'm lucky.

Perhaps he is right or, perhaps I am a bit 'touched'. ;)
Either way, the point remains, he brought to my attention that I am probably aware of this far more often than the average person. Today I felt extra star-oriented.

I went to pick up my son from school and was walking through the yard full of parents seeing, so much. Looking at humanity with my senses open I see, inside everyone, the star-bit of their entity. And so much pain...

Is it any wonder that we hurt? That we are, in general, perpetually afraid and yearning for connection and reunion with the One? Borne of stars and brilliant fused brightness blown adrift into space shattered into tiny tiny bits and pieces.

Is it any wonder that each little star seed dreams of being fused to the great chorded one-ness that is? When we are aware of the song of the stars inherently within our selves, then, maybe, we will find a communion of peace amongst ourselves. There is so much to shed and so much to see and so many growing pains in between.

At least we have music to soothe us...

Asking for Aid (Laughter, Exercise, Simplicity)

My mother was here recently and my father also. Having them in my home did more than allow us to spend good family time together, it brought me back, somehow, to a stronger version of myself.

Roots are of course what allows a tree to remain standing as it grows up and out so high toward the sky and so perhaps it makes a metaphor of this that their presence allowed me to feel more stable and supported. regardless, it was a wonderful time and I am a little sad to see them go.

A little because, I will miss them, every day, but I also want to move forward in my life on my own.

To that end we have decided to move homes. From rental to rental it is not really ideal but this place has a little more in the way of storage space as well as a larger kitchen.

The biggest reason for the move is a lower rent. There are plenty of mixed blessings surrounding it among which are; discovering that the place has no stove (it was never mentioned that the landlord would be removing it but since we did not request it stay, there you go) and so we will have to purchase one... in addition however, laying down to go to sleep at night it occurred to me that there is no street level access! The front door is at the top of a walkway containing two separate little rises of stairs and the back garden is blocked in by other back gardens.

Moving in will be an ordeal to say the least and I am worried about my father-in-law's back. The last time he helped us move he strained it and he regularly has issues with it. :/

So the question becomes; can we afford to hire movers?

We already have extra expenses that are un-expected; ie: the stove. In addition we are planning on hiring a cleaner to come take care of the move out clean because frankly, between the moving and the kids I know very well I don't have the time or energy for it. The question remains unanswered at present. I hope we can manage the money for it because it's a hard place to move into/out of. Still, at least I know this now and in future can consider such in regards to a property. With a bit of luck and hard work the next time we move (fingers crossed) will be into a home we have bought. I can think of almost nothing I desire more than to have my own home.

In addition to this moving there are plenty of other things amassing upon me; the toddlers and their new nursery school. While it's wonderful to watch them blossom and grow having them in nursery is actually more work and time taken away from me than having them out.

The teenager committed one very stupid act which got him into Big Trouble and we are trying desperately to get him some support and counselling. This is taking for-ever and in addition there is further fall out from the incident throughout the family, including his step-dad and his relationship going from uneasy to down right uncomfortable. Thought in fairness they are both working on that.... the system is trying to help but sort of failing and so I am very frustrated.

There are past debts and current debts and the surrounding environment of near total social isolation since I have moved away from my friends and family. So. What to do?

Ask for aid. Not from the Authority since, we have already done that and they are giving what they can which is proving almost adequate at it's best and feeble in deed at it's worst. (Oh and hey it's bound to get worse in future since lots of lovely cuts are coming thanks Mr. Cameron)

Instead I am looking to The Light. More specifically and recently, to the Unicorns.

Angel research led me almost directly to Unicorns with a little helping hand from my mother and while the other animal spirits are still very present, right now I seem to feel them the easiest and they are obviously here to help. It occurs to me that my sacred space journey has always contained a Unicorn so this should really be no surprise to me. It isn't; it's more a recognition.

So last night, feeling quite overwhelmed, before I went to bed I had the urge to ask something of them using my Magical Unicorn Cards. The question I asked was this :

How did I maintain Inner Peace?

I drew three cards and received the answers/tools in the following order...

Laughter!

Exercise!

Simplicity!

And yes, they all make sense. The first once I laughed at (yes indeed) because it was the one I already knew inherently, exercise brought a wry grin, again one I already knew but I have been a bit slack in keeping up with. Simplicity, while the last is possibly the most important lesson to take from this for me.

I overcomplicate things, take on too much and have a pack rat tendency. I have been feeling for ages that I need to lose a great deal of the baggage (physical and otherwise) that I carry with me and this move, I hope, will provide a wonderful opportunity to work on the physical aspect of that, which will in turn, aid my efforts to simplify my emotional, mental and spiritual environment as well.

So, through this move, regardless of what happens, my mantra will be; Laughter, Exercise, Simplicity!

- Seneca the Younger wrote 'non est ad astra mollis e terris via' ("there is no easy way from the earth to the stars")-

Going through some stuff; reminding me of The Tower card of traditional tarot meaning... Had to get it out somehow so here it is.

Photo of self + public domain stars & lightning brush 'by silver'

http://myphotoshopbrushes.com/brushes/id/184

Trees

A tree is a perennial woody plant. It is most often defined as a woody plant that has many secondary branches supported clear of the ground on a single main stem or trunk with clear apical dominance.^[1] A minimum height specification at maturity is cited by some authors, varying from 3 m^[2] to 6 m;^[3] some authors set a minimum of 10 cm trunk diameter (30 cm girth).^[4] Woody plants that do not meet these definitions by having multiple stems and/or small size, are called shrubs. Compared with most other plants, trees are long-lived, some reaching several thousand years old and growing to up to 115 m (379 ft) high.[5]

^{http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tree}

<sup>Trees are everywhere for me these days in many ways. Oh yes, of course there are trees (almost) everywhere we go but that's not what I mean. Instead I am referring to their unmistakable Presence in my consciousness.

Upon moving to the UK, my Tree surroundings changed a great deal. In the Yukon, the land is literally blanketed by forest. The Treefolk there are slender and sparsely limbed to an extent but their prolific population more than makes up for it. They are also very gentle and very much a 'surface' energy. That is, when I feel the Tree energies in the Yukon it is very much up at the surface of the earth and easily accessible. It's right THERE!

I noted some time ago, during a visit to Virginia in the South of the USofA, that the Tree energies there were very deep down. They were fewer and farther between, though very profound. It felt to me that they were withdrawn. So many old hard wood populations had been decimated and replaced with softwoods because they turn a faster profit for the industry. It felt sad indeed and that's not even getting into what that type of reforestation has done to the fauna of the area.

Here, in Scotland, there's not the same level of withdrawl to the Tree energies but something far more traumatic was brought to my attention. This is history here, these days a strong sense of the value of what remains of the Trees is evident in the culture, but before we, as a species, learned what the results of our clear-cutting would be, this land suffered a genocide of the Treefolk.

The ancient Caledonian Forests have been all but wiped from the face of the land for a variety of reasons. 1) to make room for and build castles and homes & 2) to make grazing lands for sheep and to a lesser extent, other herd animals. What remains now is almost purely barren land for without the Trees to protect it, the island winds have swept across to strip what other vegetation there may have grown aside from the hardier grasses, moss and such.

I can not put into words what I felt when I first learned of this. Let us just say, it was not a pleasant feeling. It haunted me for some time until at last I decided that should the opportunity ever arise I will be one of those who works toward healing this wound. This dedication felt right and the pain of the knowledge passed to an extent. Life happened and the idea passed into slumber.

Near to a year has passed now since that first crystallisation of one purpose of my path here and within the past month Trees have suddenly re-emerged with an even stronger force in my focus.

I caught a glimpse of a television show in late November at my in-laws, which outlined the steps being taken by Human Kind here to reforest the original Caledonian Forest where possible. I know, this is something I want to be involved with and will be looking into it over the next few years. It is important. This was the first moment of the re-awakening of the Trees focus for me.

In conjunction with Tree O Clock (but not as part of it, since my tree turned out to not be a Native species) I purchased a cotoneaster (kotton-E-aster) to plant in our back garden. Truly part of my purpose in this was wanting to find a tree that would attract birds as I had a bird feeder out but was not really seeing any activity. In this way, it was a successful purchase as since I placed it there we have had many birds come to feed. This is the second point of Tree associated focus for me this month.

My sister, Aurora, contacted me about two weeks ago with a request for a tattoo design incorporating the Celtic Tree of Life design with a knot work flower but in a more feminine and openly flowing style than the traditional one. I immediately received an image of it and began a sketch that night. The final result bears not only the flowers requested but also a Ladybird and a Robin. Happily my sister tells me that I understood what she was wanting perfectly. This makes my heart happy.</sup>
A few days after I finished this a friend who has been going through a very emotionally trying experience the past few weeks, posted some photos from a walk she took. One of the photos depicted a fallen tree whose branch had become a tree of it's own accord, growing up from the side of it's once trunk.
The meaning behind it struck me immediately.

The ingenuity and persistence of trees is always truly inspiring. Get knocked over? Grow sideways!

^{I know this message was meant for both she and I. This was my third Tree associated moment of this month.}

Photo © Trish Greco

<sup>On this past Sunday, the in-laws, my children and I, went to the annual craft fair at Dean Castle. Before we went, they gave me my birthday presents and card as one of them had birthday money in it and they thought perhaps I might find something I liked there. As it happened, I did. Indeed, I browsed through all the stalls until I came upon one that bore the most amazing glass pendant beads. Handcrafted... Trees.

The exchange I had with their crafter was passionate and inspiring of it's own accord and I noted one of the trees which was my utmost favorite but I thought, beyond my finances at present. So I bought a couple beads for my littlest boys and moved on. It was not until a little bit later, when I had finished purchasing the ornaments and little gifts for family I had intended to get there with the cash I had brought, that I realised the amount my in-laws had given me as birthday money was exactly (a difference of 5 pence) the amount of the Tree I had been drawn to. I returned, heart pounding, and made the purchase. It felt so very right and really powerful to not only receive it but to learn from this lady how she crafts these Trees. This was my fourth Tree associated focus of the month.

Altogether that does make 4 Tree related occurrences and I find that 4 has its own Tree-like meaning for me.</sup>

Four: The symbolic meaning of number Four deals with stability and invokes the grounded nature of all things. Consider the four seasons, four directions, four elements all these amazingly powerful essences wrapped up in the nice square package of Four. Fours represent solidity, calmness, and home. A recurrence of Four in your life may signify the need to get back to your roots, center yourself, or even "plant" yourself. Fours also indicate a need for persistence and endurance.

^{Beyond all the exterior Tree associated moments of meaning there is this; I have been transplanted. I have come, across the ocean, to a new land, where my roots do not know the soil or the neighbouring kin. I am learning, slowly, where to place my branches and how to seek the nutrients of the land. I am beginning to make this my home. Long enough now, my leaves are beginning to show and the light is gathering anew.}

Soulstice

Initially I intended to title this entry Midsummer but a Face Book status on my friends list reminded me of why this would be an inaccurate representation of what today is.

Those in the southern hemisphere are celebrating their Winter Solstice on this day and even beyond that, at least in Canada, today is also National Aborginal Day.

Following the path(s) I do, I find it quite suiting that the 21st of June was chosen as such a day and in my own way this year, I feel a bit like I have found my own way back to where I should be celebrating my own Aboriginal Day. Scotland is much more of the land of my bloodlines than Canada. But...

What do bloodlines mean when we are all made of stardust?

I lived nearly my entire life in the Yukon, almost all of my childhood on the shores of Marsh lake or in the woodlands there. The land there sang to me quite clearly. When I walked in the woods there I was connected to it all completely and tangibly. I have not been here long enough to feel that way and as beautiful as it is, it does not feel like MY land. I miss the midnight sun, the furry crocus, the lupines and labrador tea. I miss the wild rose bushes, the squirrels and Canadian Jays, Raven and Coyote and the bright blue sky against clay cliffs and birch spattered mountains. I miss the icy cold river of aquamarine and teal rushing beneath soaring Eagle who often stopped to peer at me from one eye and cry out with the sheer power of being. I miss the beaver ponds and the smell of the mountain rocks in the sun.
Today, when I could be feeling as though I am home, at last.... I am instead aware of being a stranger in a strange land and wondering if I will ever know this place with the complete all encompasing love that I have known the Yukon.

Today I am mourning the passing of The Yukon from my life because I do not think I will ever live there again and I miss it like I would miss a mother or a lover... or another life.

Amazing Grace

The Angel reading has been going well and I'm mostly just skipping over the words Dear God on the prayers included in the book and just reading them for their intent. This seems to be alleviating the whole God Block for me. Honestly when I pray outright in my more frightened moments it has been to Lady for some time. The concept of lord and Lady always appealed to me because of the balance of genders. For some time also I have considered faeries and angels to be very similar (if not overlapping) entities so now, it is not so difficult to be directly addressing Angels.

A couple days back I reached a bit of a breaking point in an area where I have not forgiven myself for occurrences in the past. I really had to first admit that I did feel at fault because I had been addressing the situation as something where 'I made the best decision I could at the time' and yet there has been so much shame surrounding the situation that I did not find myself able to grieve. Indeed I didn't really realise that until now. So, one evening while cooking dinner found me on my knees in the kitchen crying with emotional pain wracking my entire form. All I could do was ask for help. And I have found myself healing steadily since then.

I have been steadily asking for help at every little bump of negativity since starting the book as it is what the author suggests and if it is Angels or merely positive thinking I am noticing a shift in the energies of the family and myself. I am better able to diffuse my husband's temper moments by not responding to his anger with my own anger (that's a hard one as I immediately feel defiant when his temper rises), am managing to think rationally (for the most part) about my eldest's teen-angst moments and last (but far from least) I am maintaining a far more calm attitude in regards to my youngest children.

I have specifically been asking for their help working with the littlest ones because they are very full of energy and dynamics that are far beyond my expectations. My eldest was far more mellow while growing up. Those who know him may be saying 'no! he was so energetic and bouncy!' and he was, but really in comparison to these two he was definitely less frenetic. Though it could be because they are both so close in age I also wonder about the terminology used by some folk to refer to children of their temperment.

Crystal Children seems to come up often... Certainly I am wary of labels like this though I have in the past considered my eldest to be very much fitting the archetype of the Indigo Child. I do think though that these are mostly just names that we have created to help us better understand the personae which are coming about in this time. Children today are different than children ten, twenty years ago... perhaps this is simply a product of environment?

Still... I had an amazing experience today.

After I made whole wheat pancakes with strawberries and whipped cream for the family for lunch, Yum! I went to lay down with my littlest son who had fallen asleep on my lap. My middle son came up about an hour and a half later and when he came into the room I opened my eyes and at first did not quite recognise what i was seeing. I blinked to clear my vision but the effect remained! His eyes (hazel usually, brown /gold/green) were glowing blue! And really not just the iris but the entire eye, white and all. The effect remained until he turned away and came arounf to my side of the bed. at that point when I saw them again they were back to normal but I have been thinking about it all day!

I wonder if these glowing eyes were a sign of something? Perhaps it's because of where I was when I was sleeping and my vision had not fully returned to this plane when I first woke and saw him. Or if it was something to do with him.

I found this fascinating story...

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article2263881.ece

Reading back over what I've written here, it all sounds very spectacular but it's actually mostly mundane. A lot of my healing is realising things that I had not known I had been holding against myself, being calm and regaining that faith i once had which I think, has been having a hard time of it. I find myself thinking of the fact that I do not have any sacred space, have not really had even any personal space, for quite some time. I will be making an alter once we have moved to our new home. This feels wonderful.

I also received an email last night with links to some local mom toddler groups and one which is a hsort walk away so I am going to get up my gumption and actually go to one! In my poorer moments this idea has scared me a great deal but I am determined to do so.

All in all, I am feeling a lot better these days.

Sure, the sunlight helps... but I think the Angels do too. ;)

Mellifluous Mourning

"I am no longer on my way from one place to another. I have changed lives."

-- Ted Simon, Jupiter’s Travels

I think perhaps I should read this book, being a child of Jupiter as I am.

Regardless, this quote feels very right to me just now, very applicable, as I really have changed lives. Looking back it feels as though the last three and a half to four years have really been very transitional. Of course we're always changing, but sometimes change comes to me in these massive swells. And there's always a hint, a whisper, a sensation that says 'Woah! Time to grab your surf board and ride, a BIG WAVE is coming...' and yet it's often so hard to see while you're in the wave...

But in the wake, all is quite clear.